Well, I got a nice little surprise last night. My cell rang at 10pm last night and it was H. He and a friend had gone to a basketball game and he was calling me because they had just got out of the arena. He was telling me that they spent the last qtr sitting 13 rows from the floor behind one of the team benches. He seemed really excited. I told him that I was glad that he had a good time and he said that they did. They were going to go grab a bite to eat before they headed back to the hotel. He was telling me about some of the players heights and I was confirming what he was telling me. Something that I didn't do so well before. I told him again that I was glad that he had a good time and to be careful on their way home. He told me ok and that he would call me today.
Those are the little things that I keep in my head as positives. Even though he may have called OW before or after he talked to me, it was the fact that he even called me to tell me how much fun they had. All I know is that I have to keep staying supportive and loving. He will see that he can have those things with me that he thinks were missing....the reasons that he may be with OW. He will realize that he doesn't need her. He can have the great M with me and be with the kids. I have to stay focused on this! I may sound too optimistic but that is all I have right now.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
I am going to try to keep it up. The impatient voice inside of me just wants to rush things along and get him home but I know things will take time. I have to stay focused on these things. I have to think that he knows how much I love him and how willing I am to work things out. I guess that is one reason in the beginning that I was pushing the R talk so much. I just didn't think he knew or understood that I do love him and that I have forgiven him for what he is doing and has done. I think I got that point across enough. He just has to make the willing decision to come home and work it out. I know that it is going to take a lot of pride sucking for him to do that. But I believe it will happen....maybe even sooner than I think. Let's hope anyways!
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
I know...I know...I know.... Patience is one thing that I have a hard time with. I am just the type of person who likes to be in control and don't like it when I can't control the sitch. That is something else that I have been working on. Talk about some life changes happening!
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
I can tell you that that is one thing that he hated about the M. Was that you were too controling. Just an FYI.
As far as patience. We all suck at that. We all want our families back and we want it now. However, there is nothing we cxan do about it but work on ourselves and hope that it turns out the way God wants it to.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
I know now about the control thing. That is one area that I am trying so hard to work on. It really is coming along if I do say so myself. When he does come over, he tells me that he has to leave or has to go somewhere and then he will look at me and say "is that ok?" I look at him and just say, "that is fine, why wouldn't it be?" So I know that he is starting to see some of those things.
I will continue working on it. I just had to be controlling because I never saw him take control of anything. But that is in the past. This is the new me.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
