Here we go again !!

[Heywyre]

Thanks Whatisis

I need all the support I can get at this point.

Today was my day to be strong and H day to be weak. He came home from work and said he wanted to lay down for a while but kept hesitating. I knew he wanted to talk but didn't initiate it. He finally sat on the couch and his floodgates opened. He was crying almost uncontrolably. I know this is hurting him so bad but I need to see that to recover too - I don't know if I am a sadist or what but him showing his pain helps me heal - cruel? He said that he knows he can get through this and repair our marriage then asked me if I could. I didn't answer (because, quite frankly I don't know at this point) - after a long pause, he said "it's okay, I know how much I have hurt you and its probably not right that I ask you that right now" - Great! the pressure was off to give him an answer - relief!! I told him I was willing to work on it but wasn't promising anything - I just can't do that right now - the pain is still too deep and the trust issue is paramount.

He said that he knows its going to be hard and he also knows that I might never be able to trust him again but he has to try and repair the damage he's done, regardless of the outcome. He said it rips him apart to see how much he's hurt me and how he's shattered my life. He says its almost unbearable to deal with at times. He's even considering doubling up on the counselling and us going once a week and him an extra time by himself (if the C can fit him in - he's very busy - however, I am hoping he sees the urgency of this and helps him out). I think he is on the verge of a nervous breakdown - thank goodness he's taking AD right now, I can't imagine what he would be like. Also it is going to cost us a whole heck of a lot more but this is a health issue and, to tell you the truth, I am really concerned about his mental health right now

Thanks again Whatisis - and take care "EH"