"Personally, I love the idea of throwing out the crappy clothes or making a "date" where you take her shopping and help her pick some "at home" clothes that you think are attractive too."
I will say that I have attempted some things along those lines, and have gotten a very negative response from my W. One time when we were out with her friends at a mall. I went into a clothing store with them and started pointing out some things that I thought would look good on her. She got rather mad claiming I was trying to change her, that I didn't appreciate her, that the clothes were too expensive, etc. When she complained that a $30 blouse (or whatever the thing was called, I'm not up on my female clothing terminology, something you wear on your top half) was too expensive, I realized it was just deflection as we had just got through spending $40 on lunch. Her friends were actually flabbergasted at her response and even said openly "I wish my H or BF would take the time to show me what he likes instead of me having to guess all the time." Granted, my W and I have some underlying issues that probably caused her reaction, but she did seem disturbed by their reaction. I frankly wonder if I have been TOO appreciative of her looks, so much so that it rarely even crosses her mind that she might need to expend effort to look good in front of me. While in truth the effort is not needed, she is a stunningly beautiful woman in a burlap sack with no makeup, the state-of-mind behind putting in the effort to look good is perhaps a beneficial thing that is missing in our R.
Anyway, I did talk about it with my C. I had an initial idea to take her on a shopping spree, in which I accompanied her to a clothing store and bought her whatever she wanted. He suggested that wasn't a good idea because it would put pressure on her to please me. But I wonder if a little bit of that pressure is not a bad thing. It certainly is in line with high self-esteem, in which you expect others to treat you well.
I'm probaly rambling too much here. Still getting over the entire family being sick the past few days.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
Quote: I'd like to seem a few more men step up to the plate and honestly state how they feel. Don't sugar coat it out of fear of being beaten up by the women.
A man wanting his wife to get plastic surgary seems to me like a woman wanting her husband to make more money.
If thats how you feel thats how you feel no use in hiding it.
Personally I have always liked tits even as a baby.
Umm, Karen, you could always ASK him what he likes. 'Course to get an honest answer may require you to make it look like you are not asking. For example, when you are watching TV or out in the mall, ask him what he thinks of various people, and then listen carefully to his answers. Over time, you should hopefully be able to develop a picture of his preferences without directly asking him if he thinks your boobs are too small or your azz too fat, KWIM?
FWIW, makeup is a turn-off for me too. If it is understated enough that I don't notice you are wearing it, that's fine but any more than that is a huge turn-off. Also, I prefer smaller breasts, something I've never been able to convince MrsGGB of.
Do you think that women as a rule "want their husband to earn more money"? I'm hoping that it was merely an illustration.
In my family, we go by our family needs. It isn't about H making more money it is about "us" making more money and/or "us" spending less. He's an independent contractor - his money goes up and down. I work for an organization so I am eligible for an increase once/year. At times I have worked a second job. At times he has traveled for work more and further than he wanted in order to meet our family goals. At times we have discussed whether I need to look for more lucrative employment.
I don't think that "wanting" is wrong in and of itself - wanting more money, wanting more stuff, wanting our spouse to have a hot bod. It is all just how we feel and it is ok. What is important to get a grip on is how that fits into (a)our personal sphere of influence, (b)how does it jive with reality and (c)what are we willing to give to get whatever it is. Sux to be an adult. We can want whatever but what we get is subject to the laws of the universe.
Just my thoughts on that illustration. Although I will say this - no matter what my opinion or that of H is on my breasts - my babies always loved them!
Yeah - I've tried. H doesn't do that discussion. Apparently, discussing physical features, clothes, etc... is too base and crass.. He loves "me" not my clothes and not even my changing physical features is his stock answer.
Yeah, I figured as much. Must be an LD thing . That's why I was suggesting an indirect approach by seeing what he thinks of others and piecing it together from his responses and your observations of his reactions.
Just wanted to note that I had spoke w/my C yesterday about some of the issues being discussed - "right" to have sex; how to bring issues up with my W; whether to go with a practiced, perfect-word approach or the more 'blackfootian' focused, repetitive approach; and other messed-up relationship stuff.
Toward the end of the session he asked me whether I should set some sort of "deadline" for bringing the issue up with my W. (This follows a discussion we had several weeks ago about what drives me to complete tasks at work: deadlines). I told him that the difference between a self-imposed deadline on personal issues and a court-imposed deadline on work issues, is that, with the latter, you miss it and you get a p!ssed off judge and a p!ssed off boss. With the former, you miss it and just end up feeling more crappy about what a loser you are.
He suggested getting you (my invisible SSM friends)on board to help spur me on. I need a couple weeks to mentally prepare, so, I'm shooting for sometime next month, about the middle of it, mid-week is preferred (due to custody/scheduling issues). Looks like Wednesday, February 14, is "go" day.
Help me keep focused, like an arrow hitting a target. An arrow shot from a bow, drawn by a naked winged baby. A target about mid-chest, shaped roughly similar to this: <3 . although rotated 90 degrees counter-clockwise.
Anyway, I figure that, to calm down any possibility of hard feelings, I'd bake her a cake. I think her favorite is dark chocolate. I seem to remember baking her one of these about a year ago and it went over quite well.
Of course, if an opportunity presents itself before that date, I'll take it. It's just that, given the choice between bringing up the sex-less marriage talk, and, say, sticking red-hot needles in my eyes, it's a no-brainer. Fire up that needle kiln.
. That's why I was suggesting an indirect approach by seeing what he thinks of others and piecing it together from his responses and your observations of his reactions.