Yes - I think the major issue between you and I is that we differ markedly on "where the line is." It isn't that I think you should spend every moment kissing Mrs. C's proverbial behind but rather a more balanced approach is what I would strive for. I would strive for that exactly because of both of your FOO issues. I'm not at all surprised that when you are supportive Mrs. C tends to crawl back into her shell some. That isn't always a bad thing - depends on what is going on in that shell. Sometimes people crawl back in because they need to reasses things.
What if your response to "I need a tummy tuck" was like I suggested - take off the blouse (heck, rip it in 1/2 if you want) and kiss that belly and tell her you want her. I think that would be a real change in response from you. Personally, I love the idea of throwing out the crappy clothes or making a "date" where you take her shopping and help her pick some "at home" clothes that you think are attractive too. She is wearing that crap because she is hiding.
I think it is beyond funny that you think the women on this board are throwing around a bunch of feminist rhetoric. I don't think any of us have issues with our H's being physically attracted to attractive women. Most of us strive to be attractive in order to attract our H. Guess what - we women also like guys that are well groomed, have decent clothes and nice bodies. So, it isn't about "Cobra is is sh*thead because he likes a hot body". My honest concern Cobra is that a lot of your energy just gets spent in what I feel is in direct opposition to your stated goals. If your goal is to create intimacy with Mrs. C then I would be careful of "tearing her down" - work on the wall not who she is as a person. If your stated goal is to stay together until the kids are a certain age - how far are you from that? Anyway Cobra, in the end, I think you have made some rather valiant efforts in your M.
GGB,
Well, it kinda comes down to Cobras statements about what "men like". Our culture has taught that certain stuff is attractive. I wouldn't mind coming a little closer to the cultural ideal. However, I wish I knew what my H liked because I would work on that instead. He quit buying clothes for me because he would buy me stuff that is so matronly I never wore it. The single thing I know is that he prefers color to black clothing - he thinks it is more attractive. He doesn't like a lot of makeup but no makeup is simply not an option for me - I think he responds better when I wear nice, understated makeup.
