The problem I have is that she is focused on meeting the kid’s needs over her own. I have given up on the idea of a date night because the few times we did this, she was always preoccupied with the kids, even if we had a sitter. They are older now, but over the past few months I have suggested that the family go out for dinner. Too much trouble for her. She has to get ready, doesn’t like to wait in line, has too much other school stuff to do and not enough time to do it.
Also, I did not push the idea in any way of the boob job. She is the one who has brought up the tummy tuck issue. I mentioned that if she wanted to do that I would like a boob job at the same time. That was the end of my comment.
As for a makeover? I might try that someday, but in the past its usually been the same old excuse that we can’t afford it, she’s got other things to do, other things to buy the kids. Of course it is all deflection. So can you see that what you suggest is intimacy building but there is not foundation on her side to accept that intimacy? She’s got to get through her self esteem issues first.
The only thing I will agree to is that my giving more support and compassion to her might help her feel safer about addressing her issues. It might. But I’ve not seen any evidence to support that in the 15 years we’ve been married. That type of statement from her is really code for “accept me as I am,” which in turn is code for “I do not want to deal with my fears.”
