This has nothing to do with baiting. I am not trying to bait you or anyone else. And I don’t think my comment was that snotty. I think it was in about the same spirit as the comment from TTHO.
Lil,
I am doing my own work to increase my vision. It may not be in a way that you and other women necessarily like, including my wife. I do not have to see things the way she would like me to. I only need to see them as I believe is best. That even includes what my wife may see as a wrong viewpoint. But it is mine, and I don’t need to change it. If it creates trouble for her, she can bring it up. If I still do not want to change, then she can decide whether to stay or go. So far I am not aware of any such concerns from her. Our issues have more to do with validation and soothing than anything else. I have no intention of bending with the wind.
Karen,
I fully understand what Mrs Nop is referring to. My wife’s physical appearance does concern the relationship. It concerns me. Women may not be so concerned with physical appearance in a man. Good for them. I am not a woman and I like what I like. And Guess what, if W doesn’t like the idea of plastic surgery maybe she can propose something else, like sprucing up her appearance around the house just for me, even though no one else may be coming over that day. She does it every weekday for those at her work. She does it when company comes over. There are plenty of other ways she can increase her attractiveness to me. Top of my list would be a boob job but I might settle for something else. Maybe she could try to lose a little more weight, wear makeup every now and then.
You and I know enough to know the issue isn’t really about boobs (well not entirely anyway). It is about what SHE can do to sooth ME, just as she has her list of things that I can do to sooth her. Her appearance is on my list. For that I make no apologies.
Remember, love is lacking in our relationship. Stop assuming we have some great underlying love that only needs to be rekindled. I am faced with the decision to patch things together with this woman and hopefully have a satisfying, intimate, sexual relationship like I have always wanted, or I can still divorce and go find someone else who will make me happy (or is it happier). The kids are a major factor, so I will continue in this marriage. But I also know that I cannot lie to myself. I do not want to end up like CeMar, feeling trapped by duty, but with no intimacy. If it is a lack of attraction that promotes such a lack of intimacy, then it can all be blamed on me. That is fine. I can’t be attracted to what is not attractive to me, or maybe to rephrase this, I can be more attracted to her should she be willing to help create more attraction. I really don’t give a flip whether that is shallow or not. That is me.
So this whole matter does concern conflict and resolution for our relationship. It may not be an issue to her, but it is to me. What I feel from you, Lil and Heather is an attempt to totally invalidate an issue that is important to men, or at least to me. Maybe you can’t hear it. I think you are getting all riled up because I am not towing the feminist mantra. Call that blind if you want. I call it my male preference. I don’t need to apologize for that. At some point I have no problem apologizing to her about hurting her feelings. But I will not apologize for what I want. She can then apologize to me for hurting my feelings when she tells me there is no way in hell she is getting a boob job. Fair enough.
I hope the other men on this board don’t cave into this type of feminist bashing either. Stand for what you want. Then let the pieces fall where they may.
