You stand by your decisions and statements and I understand that this is your battle to fight and your life to live. However, I also stand by mine.
Mrs. Nop is talking about conflict and resolution within the RELATIONSHIP not about conflict/resolution regarding someone's basic physical attributes. I stand by my feeling that when you choose to make a negative comment about a body part that the person has no control of (save for expensive and risky plastic surgery) you immediately reduce your credibility as being someone who loves them. All Mrs. Cobra heard was "he doesn't love me." Of course, Mrs. Cobra has feelings about her body and your reaction to it. Frankly, knowing that doesn't change her assertion that she likes to separate emotions and sex. In fact, in my former R it really brought that point home. I could no longer have sex with him WITHOUT separating the emotions and the sex. My basic emotion became distrust (for multiple reasons), I knew he didn't respect me, didn't like my body so if I wanted to continue the marriage I knew that required some sex therefore, I separated the two. When that became too difficult, when I realized that I was only a shadow of the self I wanted to be, when I wanted the emotions to be part of whatever R I was in - well, I had to leave.
I understand that you are entitled to your preferences and I have no doubt that Mrs. Cobra would look great with a tummy tuck and nice set of new ta tas but Cobra, you need to learn to love what IS. IMO - you added some bricks to that wall (that was why the comment was referred to as "stupid"). I don't think you are "wrong" to want to snuggle up to a nice body - that isn't what I'm saying. However, if I were in Mrs. C's place I would be thinking - well if he wants that what is next? A new nose? Lipo?
Cobra - the reason I said you owe her an apology is (a)it buys back some credibility as a "loving" spouse, (b)the remark was poorly timed and (c)it was clearly unsupportive of her as a woman. You don't need to apologize for what you are attracted to - that isn't what I mean. However, SHE isn't responsible for modeling what you are attracted to when it requires drastic measures just as Lou shouldn't have to supply his W with as much designer crap as she can have just to buy her affections.
Don't worry, I'm done with this topic now. If you can't hear it. You can't hear it.
