Cobra: Thanks for taking the time to reply and for analyzing some of the interactions, etc.
Quote: every time you have a valid reason to push an issue with your wife that you rationalize another reason why there is no use in pushing? It seems to me that not only does your wife have you under her thumb and knows how to quell any objections from you, she even has you trained to avoid thoughts of objection in the first place.
You know, I recall my first ever meeting with a therapist, back when I was married to my ex. After outlining some of my problems to her (which didn't have to do with a SSM, but which did have to do with a power imbalance), she said the same thing to me. Basically, "you seem to predict every reaction your W would have to anything you might say to her. First of all, you're not omniscient. You can't know for sure how she will react. Second, you're using her expected reaction as reasons why you shouldn't bother approaching her about the problem."
And, for those of you who might be raising your eyebrows right now, yes, I'm working with my current therapist to figure out why I seem to keep putting myself in this position.
Cobra, I agree that much of my reluctance to confront her on much of anything is a deflection, an avoidance, partially because of the fears you mention. Some of it is this feeling that, hey, we're getting along right now (e.g. not arguing), so why spoil the détente with something that I know (prediction) will cause conflict?
