Let me put the story straight to set it in perspective. My W has a major problem with her body image. She does not like her stomach after having 3 kids. I can understand that but I do not like the fact that she does not like to take her shirt off during sex. So when I did get her shirt off, I told her I wouldn’t mind paying for her to have a tummy tuck (which she had once said she would like) but I also told her I would like it if at the same time she got a boob job too. I stand by that remark.
If she says I should get a penis enlargement, then fine, I will have an issue to deal with. But the reason for my remark is more than just a boob job. I know how she feels about that, She has said many times she does not agree with women having them. Fine. I still like them.
When she got mad at me later, she was not honest about why she was mad. That is when I threw out the comment of a tight ass. I have lived many years with this woman telling me I should not like the things I like and that I should change my likes to something more akin to hers. Over the past year or so I have come to learn that is not the thing for a man to do. Furthermore, I should have no guilt over expressing my likes. I did not say it in a derogatory or belittling manner. I said it matter-of-factly as something I would like.
And while I’m at it, I’ll tell you something else that happened a few weeks ago. Maybe this will help Hairdog and Rigley. W and I were arguing over something lingering from the boob job argument, I can’t remember exactly what, but I think it had to do with her withdrawing again. She was going on about my side of the family and how we argue and get mad with each other (well, mainly my mom does). She has brought this up MANY times before, saying that her family does not do this, treat people this way, are better because of it. It then occurred to me that her family’s way was not better at all. I told her that maybe they don’t get in each other’s face and call names. Instead they turn to some kind of chemical addiction (alcohol) and because of it, the family split and two members died from it (mother and older son died drinking and driving). I told her that her way was no better, that even though my family is dysfunctional, at least they are still alive. She got choked up and told me I had no right to speak like that of her family. I told her that I had every right to speak that way because it was her family which was partly responsible for our problems.
I know now and knew at the time this was a harsh thing to say. In fact I had avoided it out of respect for her. But there was also a very good reason that I knew I HAD to say this. Her argument was just another defense mechanism, a self imposed reason to keep another wall between us. As long as I allow that wall to remain there, I am partially complicit in keeping us emotionally distant. That wall had to come down and I had an opportunity to do so. I took that opportunity and I do not regret it. I think she may have woken up a little and realized that some of her old ways of thinking were a little grandiose. At least that is what good I hope came of it. Since that time, we have been getting along well.
As a little more background, leading up to Christmas, things were going very well too. After Christmas, I took the kids to see my family for an overnight trip. It was after we got back that she seemed a little distant. That distance continued until a few weeks ago when we had the latest argument. I think she was feeling left out, just as she did after we went to Hawaii. But that also had a lot to do with her issues. I will continue to take trips with the kids. I see no reason to make them miss out because W wants to be standoffish. So if she feels left out, and then becomes distant with me, I will confront her on it.
So Hairdog and Rigley, arguments do NOT always mean things will get worse. It is important that you end up the argument by tying things together and making it very clear that the reason you are arguing is that you are fighting for HER.
