Still alive

[MJontheMend]

I think what your W really needs is a friend like me. Someone who is just as much of a feminist/Unitarian type but not stuck back in the Cold War era in my thinking. The fact of the matter is that there are some things about conventional sexism AND some things about conventional feminism that should just be tossed in the barrel labeled STUPIDITY. Human beings as a species, compared to other species, are slightly sexually dimorphic. Men and women are different but not very different and there's all sorts of overlap. That is why we pop pink or blue booties on our kids as soon as they pop out of the womb. It's easy for us to get confused about our gender identities or roles because they are confusing. That is also why men aren't usually sexually attracted to women who are shaped like bowling balls or flagpoles and women aren't attracted to men who are shaped like pears or absent of arm muscle, it's too hard to figure out what color booties that person might have worn in the nursery.

Now if I were your wife and you behaved as you did at the church, I would have no problem with it. I would probably even appreciate it but that would be because I don't have any problem accepting a culturally "female" sex role in that setting. I might see your behavior as being just as "paternalistic" but I would like it. I might even make me horny as in "Mmmmm, HairDog taking charge, being protective, very nice. Perhaps, a post-church "nap" would be in order.".

I guess what I'm saying is that there is something "smart" about modern egalitarian relationships because the truth is that most of the time in most situation in our modern culture and in modern marriage we can function as grown-up "baby its" wearing neutral yellow booties. However, in order to be sexual we need to figure out how to smoothly transition into our appropriate sex roles in order to function. I think that the more differentiated and the more self-aware we are the easier it is to make this transition and the more subtle AND the more over-the-top our sexual signaling can be. Neither the fact that we're both dressed in overalls or the fact that my H like to see me in a French Maid's costume and I like to see him in a Pirate's mask would impede our functioning.