Heya Corri. <knuckle punch> Hey Karen...oh, yeah, Martha? Margaret? No, she's more like, uh, have you ever seen "Young Frankenstein"? She's like Dr. Frankenstein's (It's pronounced, 'fronk-en-steen'!) girlfriend, Elizabeth, played by Madeline Kahn. As Dr. Frankenstein (played by Gene Wilder) leans forward to kiss her goodbye at the train station, she says, "No tongue!" Another time, he is leaning in for a kiss and she warns him that she's wearing taffeta -- "it wrinkles easily."
I have to mention something that happened to me last Friday. I had some time to kill, so I wandered into a Barnes and Noble and found myself in the familiar "Self Help" and "Relationships" section, sitting in a comfy chair, reading CeMar's favorite book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."
There's a lot of room to slam Dr. Laura, but so much of what she says is right on the money. Basically, your husband will do anything for you if you treat him with respect, love him, make love with him, and feed him. I don't expect my W to feed me (I'm a better cook), but the rest of it would be nice. Dr. Laura blames, in part, the more radical sides of the feminist movement for a lot of the "male bashing" that goes on in marriages, or that goes on between groups of wives when they get together. Having lived this, I have to agree. My W refuses to take my more physical needs/requests/wants seriously, and her rationale comes straight out of the radical feminist dogma playbook that I've seen in books, on the web, and other media. Testosterone is a poison. Men just need a hole. Men know nothing about real intimacy because they insist on including sex in that equation.
I finally had to stop reading it because it was making me angry and sad and frustrated.
My resolution this year is to be more independent and more confident. To "get a life." Do I expect that this will bring us closer together? I have no illusions that this will happen. I'll tell you why.
First, a little background. (dang, I am rambling like the good ol' days, eh?) We joined a church (yeah, I know, but Hairdog's Jewish?!). I call it a church, but to me, it's a "church." It's a Unitarian/Universalist church. Non-denominational. All-beliefs. We joined, initially, because we wanted to give our DD5 some sort of religious/theology background, and I went in, skeptical, as usual. By the end of the first service, I felt like I'd finally found my home. We took the "New Member" class, which lasted several weeks, and were welcomed as new members last month. I've even been able to get out of the house one night a month to participate in the men's group. (We sit around and eat a dinner prepared by some of the men, drink beer, and shoot the sh#t for two hours. It's a blast) Those of you who know me, know that Hairdog getting out of the house is a rarity, indeed.
Anyway, the point is, I've met people here I like, I know their names, and I enjoy hanging out with them. W has been to a couple of functions, and seems to enjoy it, but not to the same degree as me.
So, yesterday here's some things that happened: 1. As we're walking in, I say, "hey, let me take DD5 down to the classroom. I'll meet you in the service." 2. During the service, I put my arm around her briefly. 3. After the service, I was walking out and one of the Men's Group guys started talking to me about this week's meeting, when I got out to the lobby, I couldn't see W, so I figured she had gone down to pick up DD5. I went down to join her. She wasn't there yet, so I signed out DD5. W shows up at door, sees me, scowls, turns around.
I went up to the lobby with DD5. No wife. I decided to look outside and there she was. She had been walking toward the building, but when she saw me, she turned and walked back to the car. I could tell she was pissed. Why?
Here's why, distilled from the resulting conversation: She thought I was being "paternalistic." She thought I was being controlling, by dropping off and picking up DD5, and even by putting my arm around her. WTF?
Here's what I told her: I really like that place. I feel comfortable there. What you're seeing as controlling behavior, is confidence. You just aren't used to seeing it in me.
She "kind of" apologized, in that she said she was kind of stressed and probably over-reacted; but she also said that I needed to be sensitive to that, and "tone it down."
Sigh. So, back to my resolution and the resulting lack of any illusion that any new-found confidence will bring us closer together. See?
And so much for my resolution not to post too much on the SSM boards.
