Okay, okay. Hello, my dear ol’ friends. I lurk on here every once in a while, do a bit of “vanity searching” for my name, read a bit, and then disappear, all without logging in. As much as I enjoy the camaraderie, the empathy, the helping of others and the getting help for myself, I just needed, and still need, a break from the board.
Quick answers to questions: No, things are not better. No, things are not worse. Things just are. I had one of those “dark nights of the soul” last night, prompted by my W’s absence (she’s out of town w/DD5 at her sister’s; just a short vacation), and some surprising attention I received from a distant co-worker (e.g. major flirting). It just broke loose some of those urges I’ve buried so deep, and made me realize how nucking futs it is that I’m married to such a hyper-critical prude. If she were a product, I’d win my case for “false advertising.” Hey, let’s get real – I’d win my defective equipment suit, too. Yeah, I still seem to have a shred of my sense of humor left.
I wish all of you a better 2007 than 2006, and a better tomorrow than today.
I just wanted to say I'm sorry things are not going any better for you. I know all about hanging on so long that it feels like you're beating a dead horse. I hear defeat and maybe some bitterness in your post and that worries me, because I have seen how lack of hope, lack of respect, anger and bitterness can drag a R to a place that is nearly impossible to return from. I also have experience with the 'major flirting' and just please, please be careful. When I look back at my situation, I feel like if I'd have been strong enough then to do what I needed to do, then I wouldn't have betrayed my M and myself by acting the way I did. I was more vulnerable that I could have known and I hear that in you as well. Be careful my friend and I too hope you have a better 2007 than 2006.
Heather
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
Good to see you post something. Remember, not everything you have to say has to be funny.
a hyper-critical prude. I like to think of some people as having a very limited range of acceptance of other people and situations. Anyway, that is how I brought it up in our last C session.
Also glad to see your name again, from a long-time lurker/infrequent poster on this board. I am sorry that things are no better for you (or many of us). Thinking of you and missing your humor here!
Happy New Year
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Hairdog, ol' boy!! I had a feeling this ("just are") state was where you were, but I was wondering.
If it makes you feel any better (I'm sure it doesn't), I am still in the exact same place myself. 2006 was completely sexless, and it's something like two years now since we've ML, and only about 3x in the last five years. Doesn't seem to bother the wife one iota, and I'm no longer that attracted to her anyway, and we get along fine otherwise.
She did just complete her Certified Personal Trainer certification, and get a job as a PT at our local gym, which is going to expose her to all kinds of advances, I'm sure. She also had a full tummy-tuck this past year, and looks fantastic. I know I should care, but I honestly don't. Half of me wishes it would happen, as at least it would prove that she HAS a sexual side, and she's not COMPLETELY frigid.
Happy New Year!!! You are a good guy and deserving of better than you've got. Hang in there and surround yourself with folks who see the value in you. Might not be sex but you CAN get appreciation elsewhere! I wouldn't start hanging out with the co-worker though.I know you don't want to get another D (neither do I) so I don't get the feeling that you are going anywhere. Ever thought of resorting to saying the very un-pc thing "Mrs. HD you are behaving like a tight azzed b*tch." Don't call her one but she shouldn't have carte blanche to be nasty either. I wonder what she would say??
I've got one on ya Choc - it's been 2x in 5 years for me (and I thought I was doing great - Pretty sad eh?
Heywyre
M - 57 H - 65 1st A-bomb - Nov 27/02 2nd A-bomb - Dec 13/06 together 21 years *************************** Insanity is doing something over and over and expecting different results (Albert Einstein)
Hairdog!- So nice to know that you didn't die in the shootout that occurred when once again MsHD called the cops on you for copping a feel.
I am not one bit surprised that you have female co-workers mashing on you. (Validation train a-comin') This is because you are in possession of two traits that women find very appealing. Women are attracted to a man who can make them laugh and more importantly, women are attracted to a man who gives off the vibe that he really likes women.
So the question is - Why does a man who truly likes and appreciates women end up disliking the two women with whom he has been most intimate? At what point did things go haywire?
From my current POV, I don't think things are all that hopeless in you situation. I think that you and MsHD are kind of like Alan Alda as Hawkeye Pierce married to Margaret Hoolihan. In the early episodes you can't imagine them as a couple but that changes in the later (not as funny) episodes. You chose to marry the type of woman who is least likely to appreciate your sense of humor. Someone who lives by the rules and takes life very seriously indeed. Why did you do this? How has it benefited you?
Here is my New Year's prediction for you. One way or another you will be having sex on a "regular" basis by the year 2015.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Pretty sad eh?