LAN - I seem to recall in one of the later chapters of "Passionate Marriage" the author talking about a couple whose situation was practically the same as yours. I'll see if I can find the appropriate section (page numbers) for you either today or tomorrow. But one of the things that the author brings out is the process of "differentiation" - something that I believe Lily has touched on in her threads. You have choices that you can make as well, LAN. Perhaps W has to face the real prospect of losing you and seeing the family unit break up before she "wakes up." But there can be no turning back if you decide on taking that course of action and she does not respond.
I wonder sometimes if my M is fated to go that route. I guess that it really depends on your resolve and how strong your desire to have a full marriage with your W is. Everyone is entitled to a marriage that is full of hope, optimism, passion and unconditional love. I wish that I could offer you something concrete to act on - just be the best father that you can be for your kids and demonstrate to your W that you're perfectly capable of thriving without her.
