I will check that book out to see what I can get from it. In term of low libido I’m not sure if it is the main factor or not. I may as well be one of them, but I think it might have been the emotional detachment from her part that drove her feeling about lack of sex. I did mention about seeing the doctor related to this issue, but I didn’t think she heard me at all.
Here are the answers to some of your questions. The PA ended 2 years and 5 months ago and the EA continued for about 6 months through phone calls after ending the PA and finally ended 23 months ago after quitting her job (they worked together).
Lily, I have allowed her the time she needed to process through this “grieving” period ever since. I know that everybody has his/her own way and/or at his/her own pace of processing it. Like I said in the title of this post it seemed to take my wife forever to move forward if she is moving at all. Sometimes I don’t understand why she decided to stay but didn’t want anything to do with me as a husband and a wife.
We have been married for more than 16 years and according to this formula it was way passed that. The thing is she is happy with the way it is right now. That is being here together raising our two kids as a roommate. Like I said earlier she doesn’t want anything to do with sex any more. She said she can live WITHOUT it so I should learn how to live without it too. That’s how she sees it, period. She said if I want to hug her and kiss her (not passionately) she doesn’t have any problem with it, but when it comes to having sex, she doesn’t want any, end of the story.
Thank you rayanne for the hug. I hope I don’t have to live that way for the rest of my life and my wife knows that too. I think, even though she hasn’t said it out loud, that after the kids grow up and move out she would leave me so that I find someone who would want to be with me.
Thank you Kansha for sharing your insight. Maybe that’s what I need to do or what we need to do. Yes, indeed, my wife DID feel that way about relating her sexual life with her emotional life. Because of that I have been trying to connect with her emotionally. I thought we were making some progresses in that area and felt that physically it would be OK for the two of us as well after more than 2.5 years without sex. We had sex for the first time in 2.5 years a couple months ago and I thought that was the beginning of our sex life. But I was wrong about it when I asked her again about having sex last week and she said no. She then told me that the reason she went ahead with it last time was because I have been “nagging” her about it even though she told me she didn’t want to have sex any more.
Stephanep for dropping by. I understand that this thing takes time and after almost 3 years since d-day and almost 2 years since they last contacted I thought that thing should get going toward recovery sooner than that. But like I said it was too slow that I have not seen anything moving at all. I don’t want to get stuck in this cycle and only get deeper into the valley and couldn’t find our way out of it. To her, this is what she wants and she gets it. That is just being here together as roommate raising our two kids.
