I know piecing back together won’t be that easy and it is a slow process but after almost 2 years since my wife ended her affair (3 years this month when it began) I have not seen any major progress between us emotionally and physically.
There is, however, small progress in term of being able to exist peacefully between us since this life –event has taken place 3 years ago. Either I’m confused or don’t understand what I’m doing with my marriage, I don’t see it is working for me but I don’t have any real plan to do something about it either, because my only option might be a divorce.
Here is our progress if it is really working:
The day I found out, my wife told me she didn’t love me any more.
Few weeks later, she didn’t want me to touch her, didn’t want any gifts, cards and/or flowers from me any more.
Few months and after many arguments later, she hated me and couldn’t stand seeing me or being with me in the same place.
A month or two later and after the MM’s wife found out about their affair, the physical affair between them stopped, but the emotional affair through the cell phone continued.
Six months later, she quitted her job (they worked together) and ended her emotional affair with him.
A year since then we argued less but talked more about everything in general. No physical of any kind between us.
At the beginning of this year, she allowed me to hug her before going to bed.
A few months later, she allowed me to kiss her (not passionate kiss) when I hugged her before I went to bed.
A few weeks ago, she was “OK” to have sex with me for the first time since the day she told me not to touch her.
After all these things, there is no emotional intact from her to me. She told me she doesn’t know what love is but she cares about me, but still has no desire to be sexual with me of any kind. If I want to she will let me have it in term of physical, but don’t expect her to respond to it. It made me feel like I hugged and kissed the lifeless body so far.
She said she doesn’t care about intimacy any more and doesn’t want it and there is no problem whatsoever to live without it. She said if I don’t like it; feel free to leave and find someone else to have sex with.
All she wants from me is financial support so that she can continue to live in the house with the kids. She doesn’t want to see the family breaking apart, but doesn’t want to be intimate with me either. She is happy with the way it is right now. That is two grown adults helping each other raising the two kids.
That’s where we are. In her mind, she thinks that she has already given me everything she has, the hug, the kiss and the sex even though she doesn’t want any of these things. In my mind, that is not what I want to have in a marriage. I want to feel connected, to feel loved and to feel wanted emotionally and physically. And so far I have not seen it yet.
