How to get sex back on track?

[Neverland]

Another good question. I didn't even know the answer so I asked him if he wants to get back together (he is here for the holidays.) He says yes, but only if things change. Things meaning that I agree that unless I am in a full body cast that I will have sex with him at least every 7 days. Which would be easy enough if he didn't make it so unpleasant and difficult.

This is the most discouraging aspect of our relationship. He doesn't feel that he has any role in the problem. So, he continues to go to bed long before I do without even mentioning that he is going to bed, often before the kids are even settled for the night.

When we do have sex it is pretty awful. I can tolerate it because it doesn't last very long. It generally consists of aggressive kissing which causes his whiskers to scrape my face, intercourse and he rolls over and goes to sleep.

I have asked him not to kiss so hard. I have asked him to slow down but nothing is different.

I know that something different is possible. He had a video once that we watch together that advocated for more mutual, gentle sex. After the video, we had wonderful sex. I was so moved that I wept but he retained none of it. It you ask him today, he will tell you that I didn't like it and wouldn't do it again. I've suggested that he read Passionate Marriage. He started it but said he didn't like it.

I love the idea that you can change a person's relationship with you by changing yourself but I sure have not been able to figure out how to do it in this situation.

The kids and I are doing just fine with the separation. We are living with my parents which is close quarters but my Dad is very helpful with the kids. My mom is disabled so it means I am available to help him with her.

We are back in the same community where we used to live so the kids already had friends and lots of family here. Both kids are doing great in school.

They do miss their Dad. I know that they have enjoyed having him here the past week.

I miss having a partner to parent with but he hasn't been much of a partner for at least the last three years. At times, I miss his company.

Financially we are doing OK. He hasn't been much help but living with my parents we don't have a lot of expenses. I haven't made too big a deal out of it as it appears that he is using the extra income to pay down his debts. I am fairly certain the only way I will change that situation is to file and have the court order him to support his kids.

So there we are. Thanks for listening.

Neverland