Pssst, Snodderly

[Between Tears]

Snodderly,

We both know I become overly defensive when xh is in the state. So, I need a reality check. As we know, I'm looking for dropping shoes, emotional artillary, financial bombs, all out war.

I've seen a change in xh's M.O.... and not sure where it's coming from. It has been S who xh communicates with, receives the most attention, the nicer gifts and such. This is because xh identifies with S, as it is not uncommon for them to choose one child over the other(s). This has been the norm for us.

This Christmas visit, it's been all about D. Not sure why, as it now has MY attention. D deserves the acknowledgement, however, I want to know what is up and why the change. D will be receiving an $1100 computer in a few days, where S was given an Ipod from xh for Christmas.

I gave D a guitar, S a camcorder, both were beginner type items. xh is all over D and this guitar, said he wants to buy himself one now... purchased a case, strap, strings and picks to go along with the guitar I bought. Brought her and the guitar to three music shops, wanting to know about this guitar I purchased. Originally, he started to slam me, because he didn't recognize the brand name, until he was informed by the people in the music store that I made a good choice. Again, he was shown I do know what I'm doing Now he wants her to go over to (his wife's name) house (as he calls it, and not his house???) and practice with him. He hasn't bought his own guitar yet.

On the other hand, during the hearing, xh was asked a lot of questions regarding his relationship with his own children. His answers raised quite a few eyebrows in court, including the Judge's. The fact my D hasn't spent any time with his stepchildren, (S only met a few of them once) and he married his wife anyway, was also brought up, with concern that followed. I'm sure xh picked up on it.

Now, it sounds like he was hit with many questions or thoughts that probably sounded like things I've said along the way, as to introduce and produce a healthy environment for the changes that come with divorce and his relationship, which of course, anything I said, he probably took as me trying to control him, as opposed to a suggestion to help the kids accept what was going on. Yup, I know, silly me.

Today, he picked them up after noon, took them out to lunch (Red Lobster) and talked to D. One of his statements was to her, "You will "never" accept (wife's name). D's reply was an honest one "I really don't know."

He's pushing her now, where before he'd just let her stay home with me... it's not like him to "put it out there" in a statement like this with her, or anyone for that matter. She said he sounded disappointed, but let the conversation die out. Then he dropped them both off around 4:00pm, another one of those 5 hour round trips for 3.5 hour visit things....

I feel apart of him is collecting information, maybe even looking for feedback. I realize it is most likely brought on by the hearing, and his need to neatly cover all the bases (and or his own lies) to have a "perfect" appearance. I just hope I'm not missing a possible angle for him.

After his last comment when he was dropping off the kids, concerning this trailer, my defenses up, and I'm aware I'm being hyper-vigilant, which is throwing me off. My main concern is to know what he is up to, and what he's going to be throwing at me next. If I have a clue of what is going on, I have a better chance of protecting the kids and myself from whatever he is thinking or doing. I realize no one can really predict what he will do, but if I have a vague idea, I can fortify those boundaries.

Meanwhile, we haven't spoken, I haven't acknowledged him. He only speaks through the children, and that's how I know when he's coming by. He hasn't given them an idea if or when he will see them next, BUT told the court he was going to have them all week.... LOL, Liar, liar, pants on fire!

I'm just not comfortable enough with what is going on, and it just maybe that I'm making something out of nothing. I trust you'll let me know, one way or another.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting back and watching the show, making sure the children are comfortable with what is going on. I have enough going on with my preparations for my testimony on the 3rd for the same hearing. This thought is just too weird for me, but I do understand why I am involved. As it was whispered to me over 4 years ago, and again just a month ago, I am the keeper of the truths, and it's time to share what I do know.

Please share your feelings with me, for I would like to put my concerns to rest.

Take care of you, God Bless

Love,

Laughing

[job]

Laughing,
I don't like the sound of what he's doing. You have every reason to be on the alert.

Your xh is trying to win the kids over and get them to accept the trash he's married. He's doing exactly what I suspected he would attempt to try to do. He's trying to make a case of being a good "dad". Give him enough rope and he'll hang himself. He does it every time.

Laughing, sit quietly and patiently. More will be revealed to you. In the mean time, focus on the new year and on you and your children. Enjoy the rest of the holidays and let him flounder around for he's the one that lost it all.

[Between Tears]

Thank you Snodderly,

I appreciate your thoughts... I just didn't know if I was over reacting or not, for I do feel a bit skiddish while he's around.

D feels that for every penny he spends, is one less penny I have to. She also feels he is trying to buy her love, and says she's not for sale.

I've asked S if he is feeling slighted, and he said no, it's just Dad, and he's working on D right now. Then he said "You worry too much Mom, you're not gonna get off that easily, your stuck with us."

I know xh has been talking about her children with these two. He's not gaining any respect by doing this, but possibly trying to get these two interested in their lives. Maybe he just doesn't know these two well enough to hold a conversation with them without bringing his new life into their discussions. I believe you are right, with everything he is doing, he will hang himself, if not in court, he will by not having a meaninful relationship with his own children. According to xh and his wife, he has a wonderful relationship with her children. She is now allowing him to make the house rules and dole out discipline, which should appease his need for control.

We have been enjoying our time, even put D behind the wheel this afternoon on the way home... her 14th birthday is coming up and she will want her farm permit just like her brother. She's a good driver already, so when the time comes, I will know she has enough experience to drive herself home, if I am working.

They were 9 and 10 when all of this began. They are growing up so quickly. I am very proud of who they are becoming. It won't be long before they are college bound. I am trying to make the most of what we do have today, and take in every moment.

Thanks for your insight... I'm glad I'm not too far off base. We will enjoy the rest of our holiday, and hopefully xh will be too busy to bother with us for the rest of his stay.

Take care of you, God Bless

Love,

Laughing

[job]

Laughing,
Your xh is very blatant in what he's doing and I don't like the way he's trying to "buy and/or bribe" the kids. He really doesn't have a clue as to how to communicate w/them because he's been out of their day-to-day lives for a very long time. Very sad.

Now, I understand your concern about the situation, but there's nothing you can do about it. Your children are the ones that can and will control this situation w/their father and from the looks of it, they are very much on to him and his ways. If I were you, I'd step back, let the dust settle and enjoy the rest of the holiday w/the kids.

Leave your xh w/his new honey pot and allow them to stew in the pot for a very long time. His loss is your gain.

[Between Tears]

Snodderly,

I have found what xh is up to.... no child support this month AND the kids' Orthodontist office called, there's been no payment for December, along with January's payment will also be due on Tuesday.

Typical behavior from xh. My defenses were right.

Take care of you, God Bless

Love,

Laughing

[job]

A leopard doesn't change his spots. You and I have talked about his past behavior, i.e., married before, the children, etc., I do believe that history is repeating itself w/your situation. Be careful. Keep your eyes and ears open for more will be revealed to you as time goes on.

[Between Tears]

Yes, Ma'am, once again you are correct.

All I can do is cringe every time I hear him, tell the children he loves them. What an ugly view of love he has.

I know, one can hardly love another, when he can not love himself. He can't or doesn't love himself, the proof is in what he has done.

I sometimes wonder how God could give such a man, four remarkable, beautiful children. It makes no sense to me, for there are women and men out there who would have cherished these kids, and saw them for the blessing they truly are.

Here is a man who has little to no responsibility for them, yet claims he loves them.

Just makes me wonder sometimes.

I will sit back, actually I'm collecting more proof of the father he really is. I may also find other information that has been just slightly out of my "legal" grasp. One never really knows what I may find.

Take care of you, I do appreciate all you have done for me.

God Bless

Love,

Laughing

[Between Tears]

Oh, the information is pouring in...

No, I didn't go looking for this stuff, but I'm sure Jerry Springer is!

I'll have to wait to explain, as I feel there more just around the corner.... I'm so glad I'm watching this from afar and at the curb. I'd hate to be the one(s) at the center of this show.

Needless to say, when xh left a message for the kids, his voice is very slow, low, and unexpressive. The kids didn't even recognize it as his.

All I can say is wow! I'd never dream this kind of stuff could be happening in real life, but it does... I'm glad I'm just watching it unfold.

Can't wait to fill you in, but at this time, it is best if I remain quiet. It's amazing how God works when He can't get your attention!

Take care, God Bless

Love,

Laughing

[Between Tears]

Now xh is telling these two that he wants to come here tomorrow evening, for he knows we having a big bonfire and fireworks, (as usual) to usher in the New Year.

Ha, this is door #1, he picked door #2.... from the sounds of it, there's plenty of fireworks over there, but not as much fun.

For the past 4 years we couldn't get him to stay on New Year's Eve.... now he's begging to be here, but he hasn't ask me.... LOL, because he already knows the answer.

We all want what we can't have.... funny thing, human nature.

[Rollercoasterider]

Laughing,

I just wanted to tell you that you have raised wise and amazing kids. You are doing well. And I've always loved your name...it shows such positivism.

A week before the divorce the two of you went on a cruise together. But since the divorce it seems he is constantly seeking attention via negative avenues. Your divorce was before my time here...so before the divorce was he as bad as he is now? ...Just wondering...


But you...You're doing wonderfully. Keep Laughing

HUGS,
RCR