How about that? Paul beat me on the locked thread of Laughings, that's usually my place getting in the last word. Paul, don't apologize for your thoughts. While you may be correct that some may not now understand what your write, that doesn't mean they won't in the future. We continually evolve and understand new things, we are all learning every day. (some days we leap forward, other days we are a bug on the windshield thanks to other folks) It's been a long time since I put my own post out here, and maybe doesn't belong here, but maybe over in survivors. But this is intended to help out the newbies It's been about 3.5 years post bomb, 2.5 + since the D and I haven't talked to the x w since the day of the big D. Multiple factors as to why 1) she couldn't carry a conversation, very litterally; no use trying when someone is not in a "conversation" i.e. no rational thought present 2) oldest stepson (hers) had threaten to kill me if I ever did talk to his mom (continuing his manipulative tendency) 3) several doctors said it was not worth the effort as "there is nobody home to talk to" That's the short summation of depressive menopausal MLC. Since then I've sat on the curb on occasion (I've gotten my own life) and watch her zoom by. Weight goes up and down, appearance goes from "bag lady" to well kept, "teenage clothes" to appropriate for her age. $s go through her hands like wet sand on the beach with the tides. Every now and then I get calls from "bill collectors" asking for her. Mail shows up in my maibox addressed to her, with her married to me name from places that have opened in the last year. Registrations and warranty offers for new appliances and autos she's recently bought show up in my mailbox - in her married to me name with my address. No, the credit cards have long ago been cut up and changed, the bank accounts long ago have been split up. Over and done with before the D. Her former best friend moved in with me in May (platonic relationship, that's all). "I know there are two sides to every relationship or marriage that breaks up, but after listening to your xw on several ocassions - I dont need to hear yours". Quote the former best friend of my xw. I have a nice realtionship with an "old" friend that's coming along very nicely. I knew when xw hit menopause at 42 things might get a little rough. I wasn't prepared for it nor the rest of the life stressors that hit her all within a short period of time, nor was she. Every day, I still pray for her and hope God will guide and protect her. But, my life moves on, and it gets better every day. I wake with a smile, I go to bed with a smile. Those of you that are new to the MLC experience, you have my prayers and my sympathy. It's OK to have faith, to be patient, to stand for a marriage. I did, I don't regret it. But at the same time, you must build your own life without the MLC spouse. You don't know how this will turn out. I didn't when this happened. I did have the fortunate experience, to talk face to face with many people that have been though this. 50% came through OK in the end, although some took several years,. Other spouses moved on and got a life, when the MLCer finally woke up - too late. As I look back 3.5 years back, I still remember very warm embraces and other physical things that conflicted with what was coming out of some one's mouth by day, and their actions by night, in sleep, in subconscious. That was my first hint that something was not right with my MLCer. The BB has been a great comfort over the years, and has helped me understand. Paul/M Go Blue, Snodderly, Laughing, well, the list goes on, great folks here. And the newbies that post, that helps us "old timers", we learn everyday. Thank you all. A new year begins. May it bring to you, all that you pray and wish for.
