Jealous about where,why,with who,my H is with.HELP

[maryfromaustin]

I'm new to this forum..i isually post on We're seperated, not what. here's my story in short.

H left in march, filed on april 20 a couple of days before our 10yr anniv. I've been with him for 12 1/2 yrs. I thought he was my best friend and so my heart has been broken into little tiny pieces. I, like alot of us here, have grown since march. I've done alot of soul searching and found that I haven't done alot of things on my own. Yes, I've read different divorce books, gone to church, prayed and prayed daily, gone to therapy, and even practiced the LRT. all things have worked. I've managed to take care of me. The LRT proved that it does work. My H started acting "positive" with me two weeks after I started the LRT. This was three months ago........my H is spending the night at my house, coming over for Christmas, going out with the kids, and started to talk about our R. Everything seems to be going ok.

No talk about getting back together. In fact, just yesterday he started joking about 2007 being the year I sign off on the divorce. I assured him I wouldn't. He flirts with me alot but he avoids me sometimes.

I drove by his house today because the kids wanted to spend the night. To my surprise he wasn't there. I started getting soooooooo jealous. I got these visions of him being with someone, this was around 7pm, he was not at work so where could he be? I haven't had these feelings in a while. In fact, I've managed to get rid of the jealous feeling. Why in the world would I feel this now? We haven't committed ourselves to anything, just being intimate. He confessed that he does like being intimate with me, but he doesn't want to get back together. What is this all about? He assures me there is no one else (I haven't bothered asking him, I figured he'd lie about it anyway). He hasn't called the kids today, he's not home at night, he doesn't return the phone calls............it's obvious. He's busy doing something or someone. I'm doing my best to not let the green monster get a hold of me. I hate feeling this way. I've gotten a couple of "ideas" from people....one is to put a stop to being intimate with him. he either agrees to counseling or no sex. he's trying to have everything from me with no strings attached.

should i give him an ultimatum? i keep thinking that if i do, he'll back off completely. what is he's testing the waters? we did have alot of disagreements back then, but i've managed to correct alot of my mistakes. he's seen changes in me now but he told me once that "i had an agenda behind all the new changes". he says "you're old self will come back, it's just a matter of time"............how can i convince him that it's not?

any advice, comments, questions are greatly appreciated.

me = 33
H = 35 going on 21
he left = march 24
he filed = april 20
kids = 3
He has since postponed the divorce because he claims he can't afford it.