My husband has a difficult time with empathy so I can understand where you're at. And with my husband I realize this is who he is. It's good part genetics with some environment. I imagine him sort of like Spock from Star Trek. He just doesn't always get empathy. There's also an immaturity. And yet, on the other hand, my husband has some attractive qualities.
It is kind of interesting how there are these qualities we dislike in our spouses such as lack of empathy, selfishness or immaturity and yet sometimes it's these qualities that attract us to them in the first place. For example, I'm very emotional and can be overly empathetic. I sometimes think the attraction to my husband was that his lack of emotional expression balanced out my expressiveness.
I can understand you being angry about your husband's lack of empathy, but I also wonder if (like with me) there's something (besides looks and money) that attracted you to him and these "negative" qualities. (i.e.... My daughter is aggressive, but I've always described her as assertive. The positive side to a negative quality).
Just a little late night rambling to consider....
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
