This may sound strange, but if you believe all things have purpose then maybe Cheddie's passing has served to bring back to life some of the old issues in your M for re-examination. This lack of empathy seems like a biggie to me. It's funny how good friends remain with us even after they are gone. Just a thought (hope its not too wacko!).
Yes, the emotional issues are obviously are not reconciled with...but, now, I wonder if it's worth it. I mean, I just don't have the strength to even talk to him now. My cat passing, proves to me, what I cherish, something that gave me unconditional love, good times, and even security. In turn, he received unconditional love, anything he wanted to eat, even food I ate, ice cream, toys, catnip leaves, lots of brushings and quality time.
I just can't even begin to feel anything now - with all the crap he said about my cat being a stupid animal.
AT is a liar....he suffers through my "foolishness" a lot.
1210- We all care about you and your needs. That says something! If the man who you spent part of your life with can't compare to those you only know through here....well, it's not my decision, but I think you know where I stand. You seem too good for him!!
M-35 going on 15 D-8 S- 3 yrs ex-CL(w)- 30
D over one year
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams "Just Be"
That is true...you love me, then, you love my animals.... nothing less is expected.
I think, I need someone who loves animals...that, is a very caring person...not someone who belittle's their existence. This has really opened my eyes...very wide, I might add.
Neither CM or I really know you.. other than the BB.. but you know what ? We care about YOU ! And we care about what you care about. Why ? I dont know ! There are some that do .. and others that dont.. or cant .
WE just care.. now if we can just get CM to care about himself the same way.. What is that term ? oh.. what is it ?
Quote: That is true...you love me, then, you love my animals.... nothing less is expected.
I think, I need someone who loves animals...that, is a very caring person...not someone who belittle's their existence. This has really opened my eyes...very wide, I might add.
1210: I am very sorry for Cheddie. He, and Bob!, are probably getting GLARED at right now by McAllister, our big Maine Coon who is JUST TOO COOL to be bothered by anyone! (But what cat isn't?)
Maybe AT et al are right, this highlights XH's fault that is a deal breaker for you. And I realize this in my own life. I don't like yippy little dogs...you know the ones that jump on the couch and run around in circles all over you when you're trying to get cosy w/ some pretty lady. Does not work. SO, I don't go there. Big dogs are okay. Cats are even better.
So if you get tired of FLA, come on up; we're having a veritable heat wave! 70 tomorrow! Glad to see you're back. Have you considered sitting XH down and telling him exactly how you feel about this? See what his reaction is. And then you can tell him exactly why it's a dealbreaker and move on.
Ah 1210, true colors and timing woman. Taking a leap of faith with an XH i shard enough to do, seeing those reminders of why they are an X can be very beneficial. So the question is since he is obviously not bright enough or changed enough to realize the value that you put on this particular subject, is this the direction that you really want to go?
Let me explain what I am saying to you. I don't like Cats, in fact, cant really stand them. I am a die hard dog lover. However just in the brief time of knowing you through the boards I realize the value that you put on Cheddie and how special he is to you. Therefore I sympathize with your loss, and I feel terrible for what you have to go through in delaing with it. It doesnt really matter at that point what MY opinion is on it. I just respect YOU enough to care about YOUR feelings. I don't want to be rude, or overstep my bounds here, but your XH is an as^hole for his behavior and showed YOU no respect in how he handled this regardless of HIS personal feelings about your pet. If he handled something as simple and basic as sympathy in such a selfish manner, why would YOU trust him to handle your emotional needs going forward? Just curious where the value is there for YOU?
I'm really glad your back, you were truly missed. By the way if you want an interesting read and to see someone who is even more stubborn then our beloved Ben, hop over and read KristyS in Newcomers from yesterday... all I can say is WOW
I'm so sorry about Cheddie. My parents' ginger cat had to be put to sleep yesterday. Turned out he had agressive cancer. While my H did sound sympathetic when I told him on IM earlier this evening, Barney's death just reinforces to me that we must strive to make the very best out of each day and that some things (increasingly my H!) just aren't worth worrying about.
You cannot teach a man anything; you can only help him discover it in himself. Galileo Galilei
I've been thinking of that all day today...do I really want to go back to something that toxic. Thinking back, I just knew, it seemed too easy to let go...I did a lot of things that I probably would have never done being M. Maybe, just maybe, someone is telling me or showing me, that it's time to set forth w/o the X...to move on and not look back.
Although, my M wasn't considered bad or unhappy - I did feel that it was something surreal...a bond for purposes of bonding...that's probably why, I prevented myself from getting pregnant. Somehow, it was not for a long term distance...so, does that make me wrong, bad, masochistic, to question now, do I want this? Did it take losing my little orange boy, to realize that, my XH has no respect for my feelings, even now?
Pondering these questions are now in the brain, regurgi- tating over and over...
