Well...this is going to take a lot of strength and a lot of
compassion to pull this R off.

It seems like I'm looking through a window, where I can see
everything clearly - but I'm still inside. I'm not sure
if it is me...or XH.

We had a good time Christmas eve - he came over, in a great
mood...so I gave him his present. He opened it up and it
seems that he really loved it. Then - he said to me that
he felt bad b/c he didn't get me anything. So, I said
that Christmas was for giving - not receiving. Although,
I was a little surprised.

We leave my house and get into his car...he puts on the cd
that I sent him for his b-day...I love the song - then asks
me what it meant. So I explained it and he said, that's
what he thought. Now, he hasn't put the car in reverse yet. So, then he reaches under his seat - pulls out this
little box and said Merry Christmas...I laughed so hard!!!
He then says, are you going to open it? I opened it and
to my surprise it was a beautiful necklace with a diamond
princess cut stone. It is beautiful...so he put in on me
and I thanked him so much...gave him a kiss and a hug.

We drive off and he says...it matches the earrings I had
on - he bought them years ago...perfect match. So, we were
driving, chit chatting about cars - his ad he ran in the
newspaper...then - he turns and says to me...so everytime
we go out, are you going to wear black? I laughed and told
him did he not like the outfit...he said yes, but enough
with wearing black...he said that I made my point and it
would be nice if next time I wore something with color. So
I said yes...if it bothers you...he said, it just seems that I look like I'm going to a funeral. Nice...

We ended up at a friend of his and had dinner there...not
what I really thought we were going. It seemed stuffy and
although he was laughing and joking with his friend - I got
stuck talking to his wife about non-essential trivia. Then
she starts asking me how our R is going...she knew we were
trying to start again - but I didn't feel right talking to
someone I had never met before that night. So, I changed
the subject, kept looking at my X...wondering when this
lovely evening would be over.

We ate, it was pretty good...things were light and we just
chatted about stupid stuff. Three hours later, we are now
ready to leave...

Then, my X asked if I wanted to see what he had done to
"our" house...I said no...not now, maybe some other time.
So we drove around for a while...it was quiet. He asked
if there was something wrong...I said no...I was just a
little tired.

We came back to my house, he stayed while I played some
music - we drank some wine - then he asked if I thought we
could go through this dating sequence. So - I told him it
seemed strange...but at the same time, I felt we needed to
go slow - be friends again and take it from there.

Then, I played Crazy, by Gnarls Barkley...he listened to
the words and asked me if I thought he was crazy. I laughed and said no, it was just that song that relaxes me.

So, we chit chatted about New Years...I asked him if he had
any plans. He said no, but his friends were having a party
and if I wanted, we could go together. So, I said yes, we
could do that...they were friends that were at our wedding.

So, he left a little later, we again thanked each other for
our Christmas present...no, I didn't give him the Chia Pet.

But, here's the thing...it seems utterly ridiculous to be
"dating" him....I guess, I just want it to be back to an
everyday normal R. I know it's just me, but in piecing,
most everyone is living with their spouse...we don't live
together. It seems a little superficial at times...then
other times, it seems that this is just the right way to
go...I am confused by all of it.

We never went to see his mother's grave...he went on Christmas with his brother and father.

I had a good Christmas with my family all day long. Good
food, great conversation and fun in opening gifts. I came
back here around 10:00ish and XH left a message to call him
back. When I called, it sounded like he was at a party,
but it was his brother's house...he told me what they had
done that day and what they ate, etc...he thanked me again
for his money clip, I thanked him for my necklace.

He told me that he would pick me up at 7:00 p.m. on New
Year's Eve and not to wear black...hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

That's it...who has changed, me or him?????? That is the
64,000,000 question....