Boy, it just dawn on me, how unrealistic I have been all these months, expecting my H to love me the second he stepped into the door, forgetting that the only reason he walked out of that door was because I had mispent, undervalued and abused the love he had for me.
And lo and behold! I expect him to love me w/the force he loved me when we first met, when there were no complications and we were just two lovebirds, that is just absurd!!
I was just sitting here, doing some work and it came to me, the realization that my H needs to fall in love w/me again, that the fact that I am good and ready to love him doesnt' mean he has to flip a switch and forget inmediately all the years of neglect and rejection just because I had taken him back.
I forgave him, that didnt' mean he automatically owed me his love, just like the trust that was shuttered by him needs to be restored, so his love needs to grow again. He'd almost forgotten what made him love me, he hanged on for so long, with my repeated rejections and put downs (not intentionally being cruel but being awful nonetheless).
He's hanged on for years, hoping I'd treat him like my man and the head of the household, why should I now rush him and feel insulted that he doesn't love me mere months into coming back when he only has thoughts of the past in his head?
Dear Lord, thanks for lighing this light bulb on my head, thank you for teaching me to drop the rope and let him come to me on his own.
My H had tried for years to be loving in his own way and tried to be a good man, he deserves that I give him time to find his way back to me withoug me proding him and whining as to why he isn't head over heals in love w/me.
I will gently put my love besides him instead of trying to shove it down his throat.
Phew! Just had to get that off my chest.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
