Hi Laura, I can relate all too well. I am 33, my H is 30 and he "fell for" a 23 year old; she is an ex-coc addict, she smokes and carries a lot more weight than I do...she does have huge boobs though...maybe that's what it is...if you're into the saggy kind I guess . My H has never touched alcohol or drugs in his life and hates smoking most of all...go figure. I remember when I first found out about "his feelings", I said to him, "ya know, she's almost exactly like I was at that age" (in school, passionate, etc) and he actually agreed. He clearly didn't get my point though. We had a child, I had to get a job, we wanted a house and stable place for D9, etc. I am not 23 anymore and when she's 33, she will not be the same person either. People change, feelings change, situations change, lives change, but marriage is about a commitment, it's about making the choice to be with someone, it's about knowing that one day I might hate this person and the next day I might be madly in love with this person, it's about being proud of who you are and who you have chosen to be with...ugh, I could go on and on. This is what I hope H will realize someday.
Quote: I'm thinking that my situation must be different and that H is IN LOVE
The truth of the matter is, your H, my H and all of the other MLCers/WAS out there definately "feel" in love. The trouble is that they're not mature enough to know that feelings come and go. They just haven't learned this about relationships yet. They're caught up in a fantasy world and we have to decide if we can wait to see if they will come out of it. I'm pretty certain H and I will get D...at this point, we're just waiting for the papers to get drawn up by the L. However, I have come to accept that D may be part of the journey on his path of realization and maturing. While this is one thing I have struggled to accept, I know there will be many more hurdles to jump...like if he gets into R with OW That is going to be a MAJOR hurdle for me...maybe one I cannot get over. You will have to evaluate and re-evaluate your situation to decide if you can wait and how long. You will have to decide what you can put up with.
I hope this helps. You should feel empowered to know that you know more about what is going on with your H than he does
. My H has never touched alcohol or drugs in his life and hates smoking most of all...go figure. I remember when I first found out about "his feelings", I said to him, "ya know, she's almost exactly like I was at that age" (in school, passionate, etc) and he actually agreed. He clearly didn't get my point though. We had a child, I had to get a job, we wanted a house and stable place for D9, etc. I am not 23 anymore and when she's 33, she will not be the same person either. People change, feelings change, situations change, lives change, but marriage is about a commitment, it's about making the choice to be with someone, it's about knowing that one day I might hate this person and the next day I might be madly in love with this person, it's about being proud of who you are and who you have chosen to be with...ugh, I could go on and on. This is what I hope H will realize someday. 
That is going to be a MAJOR hurdle for me...maybe one I cannot get over. You will have to evaluate and re-evaluate your situation to decide if you can wait and how long. You will have to decide what you can put up with. 
