Quote:

It hurts so bad to go through this, but I have to hope there is something that will come from this that will make me an even better person



This is the opportunity that each of us in this situation have that we absolutely MUST take advantage of.

Think of it this way:

1) Our spouses are behaving in a way that is shocking and hurtful to us, yet no matter what we say or do we can't seem to change the path they are on, so...

2) We have to let them go, as much as possible, to travel through this journey they are on, a journey that we cannot accompany them on.

3) So what do we do in the meantime? We work on ourselves. We take advantage of the fact that our spouse does not and cannot give us what we need at this time, in fact they reject us seemingly at every opportunity.

Someone once explained it to me by saying that I should consider this time a vacation from my marriage. For however long my wife continues on this path, I have no responsibilities with her and our relationship. It's a chance to do some things I couldn't do otherwise. It's a chance to do some self-reflection, trying to see if there aren't some things in me that could stand a little attention and improving. It's also a chance to flex some of my personal muscles that haven't been used much -- go in some new directions, try a new hobby, explore a new interest.

With each of these activities incorporated into our lives we know several benefits. First we start feeling better about ourselves. Our confidence grows. We begin to realize what we should have known all along -- our happiness does not depend on another person, even our spouses. In fact, if we have been depending on our spouse for our happiness that could well be one of the problems we were having in our relationship. Secondly, this new person that we are becoming tends to be a very attractive person. Sometimes attractive enough that it contributes to our spouses choosing one day to return to us. And if they don't, this new attractiveness makes it likely that we will be able to move on one day.

Don't waste this opportunity. It's very hard to get started, even harder to sustain our efforts. This is definitely my most difficult thing. Letting go and focusing on me seems to contradict everything inside us that we think we should now be doing. Just keep in mind, there is very little that we can do to sway our spouses back to us once they've embarked on this bizarre journey.

The best we can do is be kind to ourselves. Prepare ourselves for whatever the ending is to our spouses tale.

Be strong. I will add your name to my list of friends on here that I pray for.

Blessings,

Bill

"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."