Still on the journey 2

[princess_nic]

Just a quickie update:

I called H to talk about something that's been bothering me WRT to the T he is seeing, whom I used to see. I just wanted to tell him about some things that had bothered me in the way that he spoke to me sometimes (at the end, he became very pushy, which I didn't like). Anyhow, it came up that this T had told me, a couple of weeks after H left, that H had never loved me, didn't know how to love,etc. I told H that even if this were true, it really hurt to hear. H said that it wasn't true, he did love me, and still cares for me very deeply and wants me to be happy. [I thought that was the same as loving someone, but I guess not??] He also said, anxiously: "But you're usually okay, right?"

I got off the phone feeling very, very sad b/c he seems convinced that he does not love me and won't ever again. Of course, that's my interpretation and it is true today, who knows about a month from now? But the good side is that at least we are able to be honest with each other, and there is no hate there. Also, it just proves to me that he really has pulled away b/c he thinks it is better for me, as he originally said. He really thinks (probably rightly) that he is no good for me right now. As much as I would like to help him, I can't.

Also, he told me that he and the T are working on him being assertive and not letting people like his BF manipulate him. I am very happy about this, b/c this is something that I think will help H a lot in his life.

COG - I just want to say that you are right--I am coming from a place of fear when I worry. It is something that I'm working hard to overcome.

I really admire how you have grown emotionally. Keep working on YOU. Be strong, brave, and faithful. Trust God, and let go the controls just like you've been doing. You've come a long ways, and you still have much to do. Don't rush it, stay close to your kid's, and keep an open heart and mind. We're proud of you!

Thank you so much; this really means a lot to me.