Still on the journey 2

[faithisbelieving]

Hi nicola......I haven't posted here in awhile and I thought perhaps I would put a small note here. Sometimes I like to be the dark horse here and buck some of the posts. I DO think that there is a time when we start holding on for the wrong reasons....false hope, dependence, emotional need, fear. Those reasons for holding on are wrong. Sometimes, I think we are too easy to label our S's as 'sick', 'confused', etc. Many of them really DO know exactly what they are doing. A small subset, perhaps, are depressed and in a funk.

I think, of all the posts listed above, the one that talks about staying married and about life....is the most important...and it ties in with what bworl wrote. Only YOU will know when you've had enough....when the door closes...when you feel that staying on has crossed that line in the sand where your self-esteem is at stake. The REAL reason for filing is when YOU feel the R has become DESTRUCTIVE....destructive to YOU...to your family.

I know, from my sitch, that the first thing to happen if I suddenly become the WAS and throw in the towel, that we will lose the house. 5K in atty fees for me...5K for her and just to start...2K for an apartment for me. No way....unless my W finds a wealthy CEO in NYC to pay the mortgage, my house will fall. Why do I post this? (and, I don't like to post MY sitch in others threads if possible). So, will D right now be more destructive than staying M'd and moving on?

That..it's about life...and, as posted above, the best thought, do you hold onto the M for false hope, or, stay in the M and move on with your life 'for now'. Whether D'd or as is, H will always be tied to you because of the kids, right? Would it be better for you right now to just move on and enjoy your life as best as possible, or, has your M become destructive to you and has the door closed?
There are so many questions to ask yourself. You've been at this so much longer than I (but I'm catching up really quickly).

-what do you want to do with your life? can you do it while still M'd?
-are there advantages to staying M'd for you now, outside of reconciling?
-if you filed tomorrow, and H didn't respond as if it were an LRT, what would you feel? are you ready to go on with life without H?
-OTOH, if you filed, and H DID come back and want to reconcile, are you ready for that?

A lot of questions, and, perhaps, my post isn't that helpful. Reread bworls..he is so much better at knowing hearts perhaps.

I support you.

Frank