I too struggle with some of the same issues. Like taking my vows seriously. I also have gone back and forth with why would God want this for me. So keep searching.
I have come to realize though with the help of other posters that I will probably always feel a loss. It is like a death. The death of marriage. So we may never get over it but we can move on and be happy. Just because there is sadness it does not mean that we are stuck.
But for now take some time to grieve. I know I held my feelings in far too long. Then continue to work on you and search for the answers you need for you life. It takes time. There is no magic cure. We have to pass through those fires to come out the other side.
