I understand your frustration. I used to feel it often, and now less and less each day. The "ugh, when will this ever end...and if it does, look what a mess it will still be..." But, it's our expectation that the "end" of that comes in a piece of paper, and come about by our H's.
It does not. That was a POWERFUL thing for me to realize. You can end this. Meaning end the torture, the suffering, the waiting, the agonizing. You can do that without a D. You can do that without H. You just get up, walk away and live again.
Sounds so simple, but, when I tried it, it really was. But, I had to come to that space on my own. It still aggravates me, but now, I really do live and feel life without H. I try not to wonder "what if, when" because I don't know and each time I think I know, it's wrong and a lot longer. Also, I hope that when it is over for ME, I will know it in my heart.
You're right sweetie, You can't wait forever. No one is asking you to. You are not in limbo. You are living. Do what you feel it takes to get you to feel that again. If that means boundaries, no contact, pulling back, whatever. Now is the time to save yourself, not H. That will come at it's own time.
