Nicola- I think what mermaid said about grieving the loss of your M is right on.
Even if your H was to get his act together and commit to an R with you, it would not be the same M. Unless, you wanted the same M. But you have said you do not. You never had the M you wanted.
So you need to give yourself permission to grieve the loss of your M, because it is gone. After that you may need to also grieve the death of your dreams of a happy M with your H.
I think giving yourself time to grieve is key to your sitch right now. After a while, if you can come to a place where you can honestly give both yourself and your H permission to move on, you might find amazing relief in all of this.
