Hey, Sugar, I can't give you any advice, and am likely the last one who should The ax dropped on mine yesterday, as you know.
Mine didn't really give me any options. He fiddle farted around for awhile, made it look like he wasn't pushing his divorce, but actually his strategy was to push me to do it. When I finally said no, I will not do this for you, then he went ahead and filed. When we ultimately negotiated a settlement, he pretty much agreed to everything I said I wanted, and it was done.
My point is that I was put in a different position from you and so it is hard for me to give you advice. What would I do differently if mine had never filed? I'd probably still be sitting still.
I think the whole concept of standing is complicated by expectations. Expectations of reconciliation. I think you have to disabuse your mind of that. I think instead, you have to leave yourself open to the notion that if he ever "reemerges", you could take him back with unconditional love.
But belief in, hope for, expectation of reconciliation? Let that go.
Give up hope you say? Yeah. Hope for a specific outcome, at least.
Have hope and faith that God will take care of you. That he is with you and your H on this journey. That whatever comes your way will be for the best.
When your heart is ready to close the door on any possibility of your taking him back into your life, regardless, you will feel that door close. You won't have to make an affirmative decision about that. It will just close.
But until you feel that, don't struggle with it. Just live your life. Keep praying for help to feel compassion and forgiveness for your H. Keep praying to God to lead on the path that is right for you and be with you along the way.
It takes care of itself, honey, you just have to have faith.
