Because my children deserve an intact, happy family.
Because I can see what my marriage COULD be, if H and I were both willing and able to make it that.
But how long can those reasons be enough? Some posters here (Althea, Alison, Angelica--all A's!) had wonderful marriages, the kind many of us dream of. I did not. We had good times, yes, but a lot of not-so-good and even bad, as well. I am healthier now and I know that I would not make the same mistakes. But H? Not so sure.
I feel like I've had enough. I don't want to get involved w/ anyone else right now, but I'm sick of being tied to H. We will always have children together, but I live under the ax of him filing. I'm tired of it. At what point does doing the "moral" thing become pride? When it does, is it still moral?
There are some that reconciled and still do not have the marriage they want because their partners are not at the same stage--Linda, COG, Lisa, others who've since split up again.
I realize this is very negative, and I do apologize for bringing anyone down. My intention is not to tell others what they should do. I do admire those who continue to Stand despite the odds. I just wonder, for myself, if I am doing it for the right reasons, or if it's just to prove something, to prove that I'm better than those who don't hold on.
I don't think my H will file b/c, as he says himself, he never likes to shut a door completely, "just in case." So that's what I am to him: just in case. He has always been like that.
I will admit, however, that he is making some changes that are good. He is becoming the father I wanted him to be for 9 years. And it makes me angry and resentful, although I am happy for my children. Why couldn't he have been like that before? I guess that's how a lot of WAS feel when they see the LBS change.
I'm trying so hard to be positive about my M and about our chances for a reconciliation, but I wonder if I am just fooling myself. Is it even what I want?
Looking forward to hearing from some of you--I know lots of people read my thread, so please talk to me!!
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
