hi nicola,

all i can say is: you are being really selfaware and that is really really important.

i am also very impressed by all those positives you listed.
cold and periods REALLY can temporarily destroy even the best PMA. Hang in there. and you are right , the danger is when we let ourselves focus on guessing what is going on in their heads...


you wrote:
Quote:

I'm actually very happy, but for some reason, I HATE the idea of him being happy, too. Intellectually, I know that the best R would be with two happy individuals, but I can't shake the feeling that if he's happy w/o me, that's it--he won't reconsider.




hmmm, can I just say: phew, so then I am NOT crazy!!!
or in other words: yes, yes and yes. I hear ya 100 %. I have the exact same thoughts/feelings ALL the time. THat fear can be really powerful. I think I was really letting it get the best of me the last few months. My ingenious solution: pull back! ah well, it has made me think those things less... since I know NOTHING anymore about what he is doing. I guess ignorance can be bliss!

that said, you are sick and your mental and physical energy is drained anyway by that monthly visitor. point being: be kind to yourself these next few days...esp. mentally.

my friend taught me a funny thing years ago. when she is down or when she is proud of herself she kisses her hand (as if to blow a kiss) and then gently pats herself a few times on the cheek with that hand.
cheesy? yup. but it is fun and silly and a great way to get some instant tlc. try it looking in the mirror!!!


sending you lots of positive energy!

brava

Me: 36
He: 34
no kids
Married: 2000
He left: July 05