I just realized that we've talked alot on MY thread...but not on yours! I, too, just read this thread from the beginning... I personally think that you are doing a very good job of just taking things one day at a time and giving yourself the chance to go through all the doors of your life and processing both the good and the bad...and allowing yourself closure and healing. I know what you mean as far as our own families...and then having guilt for what our children are now being subjected to. I have been a christian since I was 9 Nicola...but, like you, I decided to get re-baptized about a year ago. It wasn't that I wasn't a christian anymore...but it was the fact that I wasn't walking and living how God created me to be. I allowed my own relationship with God to be just like a drive thru pharmacy...I only talked to him when I needed something. I knew the Bible...but it was stories at that point...not God's spoken word directly to me! And I realized when this all began...although it is easy for us to point fingers at our spouses because they decided to do something action wise to put the ball in motion....this was a wake-up call for me too. My XH's crisis caused a crisis in my own life...and after I had the breakdown, and I was sitting in my dark living room with pills in my hand for the second time...full of despair, anguish, pain, whatever word you want to put in there...it was THEN that I heard God speak to me...and His voice was the most beautiful sound. I hadn't heard that voice for a long time...NOT because He wasn't talking to me...it was because I wasn't listening! Sitting on my living room floor I heard Jeremiah 29:11~~~For I know the plans that I have for you; plans for your good and not to harm you; plans to give you a future with hope~~~and it was in that moment I realized I WASN'T alone...He was ALWAYS there....it was the fact that I ran away from Him! So to tell you the truth...I praise God for these trials...this was clearly God seeking His lost child (me) and bringing me back to Him! The bible tells us that He will use whatever means to get our attention in the hopes of repentance and restoration. And it was in that moment...I felt like I just crawled up onto my Daddy's lap and allowed Him to rock me, stroke my hair, and just hold me. Since then, God has changed me immensely! And during all this He has spoken to me alot regarding my life and circumstances...as I am sure He has you, too! But after reading your whole thread...there is something I feel led to share with you, Nicola. All of these strongholds and generational curses you spoke of with not only your family but also your H and his family and you yourself are having to battle right now...God has called you for such a time as this. As much as it depends on you, you DO have the divine weapons to demolish these strongholds and curses...not only for you but also for your future generations. When you came up out of that water, Nicola...it was with you, living in you...for you to use. God has given you all that is His...and these are the MOST pwerful and effective weapons we have that WILL demolish the battles we are in. It is the divine power that dwells within us. (2 Corinthians 10:4)...to paraphrase, those weapons are prayer, faith, hope, love, God's Word, and the Holy Spirit. THESE are what will break down the strongholds that have set themselves up against you and your family. Just like when we have a cold and buy some cold pills...we read the back of the box and the instructions say...For best results, follow the intstructions. Well...that is what we must do too. For BEST reuslts (not mediocre, not wishful thinking but BEST)...follow THE instructions.
Just felt led to share with you and offer you encouragement, Nicola. We are all in this boat together..but we all have the opportunity to step out of the boat in faith and walk on water...knowing that God will not let us sink...but we have to keep our eyes on Him and listen to His voice guiding us...instead of around at the circumstances.
You are doing really good, Nicola. Wanted you to know I am walking with you.
