Thank you all. I feel so much better today. I think getting all that out of my system made me feel better. I will reply to your posts, but I wanted to say a few(!) other things first.

In the spirit of positivity, I will say that my childhood was not a Little Shop of Horrors. My mother is a very creative and fun person. She used to make me fabulous Halloween, skating and ballet costumes. We were *forced* to eat HOMEMADE cookies and cereal b/c the other stuff had "no nutritional value." Now, I am thankful b/c I have very good eating habits! My mum would sit and paint or play with my brother and me for hours. She took us to children's concerts at the symphony and to the ballet.

My dad was and is a real outdoorsman. He taught me how to cross-country ski, canoe and camp. He took us all wilderness camping and portaging in the summer. He gave me a real appreciation of nature and a love of the outdoors. He is also a good handyman, speaks four languages fluently, though he only grew up with one, and has travelled to many different places around the world with his work. I have been fortunate to meet people from all over the place when they have come to my parents' home.

I get along a lot better with them now. My dad has really mellowed. He had a stroke at 45 from stress, and it totally mellowed him out!! He has had only a few lasting effects (reading, vision). My mum and I are close, but she drives me nuts a lot of the time. She is extremely sensitive and passively controlling. She does love me and the kids to pieces, though. So I work on establishing boundaries with her, and on being kind and patient. DB has helped there.

Last night, I spoke to D10 about her granny. She told me that when my mother acts like that, D feels like she isn't a good enough grand-daughter (echoes from the past, I tell you). I told her I understand exactly how she feels, and to just remember that it's NOT about her, it's about granny. It's NOT her fault.

Over the holiday, I made an extra effort to pay attention to D10 and the change in her behaviour has been amazing. Her T told me that she really wanted my attention more than anything (so hard when you're the only one). There have been fewer fights with her brother and far fewer meltdowns.

Yes, I AM a good mother. My children are both very attached to me, so I guess I haven't totally screwed up! I just see so much of myself in my D--perfectionism, hyper-responsibility--that it worries me. I think the therapy is good for her, though. She goes for another three months.

Okay, next post to reply.

Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself
My thread: Trusting God's Plan