((((nicola)))). I read your post to the end, and read the replies. I don't have much to add other than to agree that awareness is the first step in recovery. And I don't believe we are destined to repeat patterns with our children unless we refuse to become aware of them. So IMO you are heading in absolutely the right direction.
I know it is hard to dump guilt and shame. One thing that I resisted for a long time, but that is seeming to work, is the use of positive affirmations. Seriously, you might consider standing in front of the mirror and telling yourself out loud that you are a loving mom, a good listener, a good role model to your children, etc., etc. I know it seems silly, and as I said, I resisted for awhile. But I think it helps, and it's recommended by plenty of "experts."
