Still on the journey 2

[ACJ]

Gosh Nicola,
I did get to the end and I can identify so much with a lot of what you posted except for different reasons. My mum and dad have been M for 45yrs (just) and they are still very happy. They have always done things as a partnership (which is something I now realise H and I never achieved). My problems were based, I think, on the fact that my mum was jealous of my R with my dad and vice versa. Guess what exactly the same thing happened between me, H and D16!
My R with my mother was very bad until I left home to M H. It only really improved once I had the kids. She so likes to be in control of everything, calls a spade a spade but doesn't like it when the same behaviour is exhibited back to her. Yep you guessed Alison turned into a mini version!
I have never tried to committ suicide but many times as a child I wished I was dead. The only other time I have felt like this in during the last year since H left.
I do consider however that I did have a reasonably happy childhood b/c my dad always gave me the love I felt my mum never showed. By the time she was able to show it I felt uncomfortable with the idea b/c I wasn't used to it.
Yes just another learned trait.

The big difference in my case is that my dad had 8 sisters, many of whom exhibited the same traits as my mother. He grew up with it and accepted it as normal behaviour! The only female H had ever lived with before me was his mother and I've posted many times about how weak she is.
Boy it's no wonder we are all keeping the pharmaceutical companies in business!