Thanks for your words of solidarity. This is a dark time for me. I feel as if I am at my breaking point. The good news is, *I* am not breaking this time, but my patience and my desire for a R with H are nearly broken.
Truthfully, if we didn't have children together, I would have no reason to even consider a reconciliation. I am looking forward to finding fewer reasons to see him after the holidays. I am planning to go back to just emailing him once a week w/ kids' stuff (as necessary). Now, if I call, it's just to confirm what time he will pick them up, and I don't make conversation. This is not a man I want anything to do with. His backslide over Christmas has made me really fed up. I deserve so much better than this. I am still considering filing myself in Jan. We had agreed to wait till March, but I'm sick of waiting. I'll see how it goes.
Meantime, I'm going to be immersion baptised on Sunday. I think this will be a great way to start the new year. I was baptised as an infant, and confirmed at age 13, but I feel a strong need to do this. Now I am an adult, and I am truly able to make the decision to give my life to Christ. I'm nervous, partly because I'm afraid it'll mean I'll have to be more compassionate w/ H if I'm going to really follow Him!! LOL! Even so, I will do it.
Still no plans for NYE. I told H that if he has plans and I don't, I will keep the kids w/ me instead of having them babysat. I would rather do that than be alone, knowing that I could have them with me.
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
