Still on the journey 2

[princess_nic]

AMD,

My celebration involves staying as far away from sales as possible!! I am just cleaning up a bit around here. All the boxes and bows and etc...

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I am actually doing better today - irritated instead of sad!

H was supposed to take the kids for the day so I could grade term papers. Ugh, but must be done. He was supposed to come at ten, but I called him at 9:45 to ask him to come in an hour b/c the kids wouldn't be ready at 10. I woke him up, so he wouldn've been late anyway.

When he got here, we were all playing with this fun new toy S5 got: It's a Fisher-Price piano that you attach to the TV. I was nicely dressed, made up, washed my hair, in a good mood. H looked like hell--unshaven, dirty hair sticking up on his head. He played with the kids for a few minutes, then decided to take them out b/c IT FINALLY SNOWED TODAY!!! They were having some trouble segueing into a new activity, so H ended up yelling at them and swearing. They were just having day-after-Christmas fun! Of course, this caused them to really freak out, and then they both ended up crying in different rooms. H said, "Why are they so badly behaved?" DUH?? Cuz you're swearing at them? It's not their fault you're hungover (pretty sure of that). I just said, "I don't know." Then I said that he doesn't seem to be having a good day and maybe another day would be better. But then D10 calmed down and wanted to go with him.

Finally, they went outside and made a snowman, then D10 came in crying b/c she was wet after about 45 mins. The whole thing was a fiasco. H went back to his place and said he'd take them for the day on Thursday.

He just brought so much negative energy into the house, filling it with anger and tears. I was so happy to see him go, and so disgusted with his behaviour. I just don't want this man in my life. Yes, he is sick. But his is not taking the steps he needs to in order to get better. Spending a lot of time with his best friend is not helping--he is a big drinker, and also depressed. What a pair. I feel like H is just going further back into the tunnel again.

I am strong now, though, and I don't want this in my life. If he wants to go forward with the S/D in January, I will not contest it. I am detaching as much as possible. I really can't stand to be around him anyway, so it won't be hard!

I hope everyone is doing better today,
Nicola