The analogy I keep thinking of in your situation is a bicycle built for two. It's like your background never allowed you the opportunity to learn how to ride a bike and then when you got married you had to be the one on the front of the bike pedaling hardest and the bike keeps tipping over and your wife is hurt and crying and that just makes you more nervous etc. etc. You need some training wheels in the form of counseling or this BB or scheduled sex or something that will get the two of you back up on the bike together repeatedly until you get the hang of it. Unfortunately, at the moment your W is looking for Evil Kneivel type sex and is unlikely to be enthusiastic about suggestions that are the equivalant of being pushed on a bike across the grass while wearing a padded helmet even though it might be to her benefit also since she's such a crybaby .

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver