I think painting a picture or having a rough idea for a map might cause your W to see there is hope. I think not seeing what the future holds is part of what your W is so angry about. An unsettled future is scarry for most people
Thanks, Lou. I AM starting to think that she needs to see hope. The sex therapist's offhand advice ("just have sex without your penis for a few months") was not what either of us wanted to hear... and unless she's done a lot more reading, that may be the picture of our future together that she holds in her mind.
I need to get creative here.
Getting Ready for Tomorrow Night
I wish I could have gotten an appointment with my coach before tomorrow night. I guess we'll just have to do a post mortem on Thursday :}
I know that I am not really ready to discuss the decision to divorce. I'm still deeply affected by my need to please her, and I'm likely to either crumble, or be a complete automaton.
But I've got no choice. I'll be thinking "do no harm."
Here are a few other things I'll try to hold onto: -be loving and STRONG -stay out of the pit -look past the anger, accusations, and hurt -give my POV, without trying to convince -stay calm, no matter what she says or does -if I don't know what to say, say nothing -if I can't say nothing, excuse myself
I will also keep in mind that I have fessed up to all my mistakes and weaknesses, and am facing them like a man. If she has some new angle, I will not respond, but will think about it later.
She will have to bear responsibility for her own feelings, actions, and decisions.
I will not let it go assumed that I will help with a divorce, but at this point, I'm not sure I want to draw the line. I don't know if I can do it right yet.
