Quote: One comment Nopkins made to me long ago (and to others too) was to tell my W that if we divorced I would not be friends with her. I did in fact tell my W this very thing, that I had no desire to make the D easy for her, .... She previously had the idea that D would bring an easier lifestyle, that we could be friends, that I could still come over and visit the kids, help her with any household problems if needed, just like another family a few houses down the street from us.
That family’s arrangement is insanity, IMO. That H has given his wife every incentive to D and no consequences for avoiding D.
I totally agree with this. I think it is important that you give your wife the message at some point that not only will she have to initiate the D if it is to happen, but that you will NOT be friends afterward. You will participate in child-raising and there will be no hostility in that zone, but you will no longer be part of her life. Right now she has the idea that D will be easier than working on the marriage. I think you need to make sure that she understands that D will be a LOT HARDER than working on the marriage.
I don't think you have to threaden or promise to give her a hard time, just assure her that life will not be easier after D.
