I don’t mean to hijack your thread as this comment is directed at Heather (whose thread has locked), but I do see application to your sitch…
Heather,
I’ve been meaning to comment on your latest sitch… You seem to be quite committed to working out the marriage, though prepared to go through with D if necessary. But more over riding is you wish to reconcile at some point in the future, even after D. So you idea to make the best of the D, to not be enemies, to try and not place blame or fault, does sound good in theory, but I am not sure if it really helps you accomplish your goal.
One comment Nopkins made to me long ago (and to others too) was to tell my W that if we divorced I would not be friends with her. I did in fact tell my W this very thing, that I had no desire to make the D easy for her, that I would fight for everything I was entitled to and I would do my best to keep the house and through her out. And I meant every word.
When we started to get close to D, I think the reality of this started to dawn on her. She previously had the idea that D would bring an easier lifestyle, that we could be friends, that I could still come over and visit the kids, help her with any household problems if needed, just like another family a few houses down the street from us.
That family’s arrangement is insanity, IMO. That H has given his wife every incentive to D and no consequences for avoiding D. I hear that you do not want to D, but it seems you are willing to give you H all the benefits of D, plus you are willing to through in some of the amenities of marriage. Why would he not choose D? Is this the message you really want to send?
