That was over the top and uncalled for. Very sorry.
No offense taken. This is a really screwed up situation, with love, anger, and hurt squeezing us to death. I appreciate you helping me unravel it.
your fear is not so much that SHE will go to a lawyer and serve papers on you, as it is that she will persuade YOU to do it.
I think you might be right. I fear sitting in a room with her again while she and I blame me for her pain, she reminds me of why she wants a divorce, curses me for making her say over and over that she wants a divorce, tells me again that she doesn't want to hurt me, etc. Then she gets enraged again and tells me that she knew I would make her the bad guy, and she didn't think she'd have to go through this alone, but she's getting stronger and stronger, and she will do it if she has to.
Does that make sense? You're afraid that you will cave in and do what she wants against your will and against your better judgment-- is that it?
It's also the questioning of whether I'm "right" not to consentually divorce her. She sees me as a man that she "has to ask for sex." To her, that's abnormal. And remember, after the way she was raised, she really wants to be normal. She's always wanted to be normal, accepted by "regular" people. So when she levels this and other sex-related charges at me, my knees buckle. I think "I am abnormal. I should let her go."
1) she is angry at you and wants a divorce 2) she wants YOU to agree to a D and set it in motion 3) you're afraid you might give in and do it 4) SO SHE WON'T BE ANGRY WITH YOU
YES!
Because she has made it clear she won't D unless you do it.
She's made it clear that I am inflicting further pain on her and abandoning her if I don't go along with it.
And, as has already been suggested here (and you've figured out, too), your fear of HER anger is really your fear of YOUR anger... so, theoretically, if you spend some time "getting in touch with" your anger, that should release some of the pressure... and you can do this on your own, in a journal, or do it here.
Yeah. It's crazy but true. My anger, and what will happen if it gets out of control, may be what I fear the most.
