Rig, right now I think it's healthier for you to be pissed at your W than feel bad about how bad she feels and how you are the "cause" of it.
Yeah... I keep thinking back to that Christmas Day "discussion" and the guy I see in that scenario is pretty pathetic. I was practically laying myself down on the altar and handing her the knife. She came at me with guilt, and I one-upped her by piling my own guilt on top of it.
On the anger side, I'm starting to see that holding my anger in and trying to act like everything's OK, and being afraid of upsetting her, are the two things that really screw up the way I relate to her. They put me in a weak position, and she's learned to hate those things about me, and to exploit them.
About the divorce, I think she really thinks she wants one. She has no demands of me, so I don't think it's a real threat. On the other hand, it could be ... it really could be a subconscious attempt to get me to fix things between us...the cry for help kind of thing.
I really need to mentally disarm her of this divorce weapon. You're right, Lil, I've been letting it really get to me.
