Rig, right now I think it's healthier for you to be pissed at your W than feel bad about how bad she feels and how you are the "cause" of it.
Re the hypothetical divorce: what steps has she actually taken to get a divorce? Has she talked to a lawyer? Has she suggested custody arrangements? I think she's pulling out the D card just to keep you off balance. I don't mean that she's not capable of it and that you should dare her to go through with it (God forbid), but it seems like every time she brings it up, you go to pieces. As I said earlier, it's been my experience that when people are ready to D, they just do it. And please, someone, comment on the phenomenon of getting your spouse to "agree" to a divorce. Is that what people do in hostile situatons? I know that there are amicable D's where people agree to split. But in sitch's like Rig's where one person wants it and the other one doesn't, isn't it usually the case that the one-who-wants just goes to a lawyer and sets things in motion?
Rig, I'm NOT suggesting you do the following... BUT I have this fantasy of the next time she pulls the D card, you say, "I don't want to hear the word divorce again unless it is immediately followed by papers served on me by your lawyer. You are not going to provoke me into initiating a divorce-- ever. If there is going to be a D, you will be the one to do it all. I will not cooperate. Period." Cheesh. Again: NOT suggesting you do this... but *I* certainly felt better writing it out!
