If it's hard for you to contradict her, then don't. Say something like "I don't know enough to answer that right now." If she accuses you of deflecting, say, "Yes, I am." Don't apologize... you're not doing anything wrong.
Quote: It feels like I'm not being nice, and it makes me fear that she won't like me, and might get mad at me.
Think of it this way: what if one of your children wanted to eat poison and begged you to give it to him/her... and then got furious at you when you wouldn't do it?
Also, if you do any journaling... get in touch with that feeling when she asks you something and you want to cave, and instead you stand your ground and she becomes furious... what is that like for you? Where do you feel it? (I'm not asking you to tell me or post the answer, just feel it.) In your stomach, headache, want to cry, dry mouth, what sitch in your childhood does it remind you of, when did you have those feelings in the past? There's nothing pathological about this... I'm not suggesting that. It's helpful to uncover those past connections. Often it takes away the terror of our partner's anger. (I also avoid subjects and rephrase things so my bf won't snap at me.)
I admire the he11 out of you two for going to a sex therapist over the ED issue. That took SOME kind of guts. It's curious that she used the counselor's personality and manner as a reason for blowing off the clinical truth. Why is/was she so convinced that your ED was due to not finding her attractive? Where did she get that idea? Given y'all's background, I'm thinking you two went into this pretty ill-informed about the nuts and bolts (as it were) of sex.
