So if Rig detaches himself using the guidelines of the differentiation post (e.g., it's okay to let people feel bad without trying to fix them, etc.) and she is STILL angry, she will have a harder time blaming him for her anger. She will probably still try to do it, but it won't stick.
I have to say that in my gut if feels like more of the same when I respond to her jabs ... even when I'm standing up for myself. It feels better when I don't respond to her anger, and let her deal with it herself. Also, she seems to be trying occasionally to deal with things in a productive way, and my getting into it with her seems to perpetuate her belief that I'm the source of her anger.
One of my biggest challenges is to drop the manipulation. I have to stop doing things that I think will make her love me and stay with me. It is a sure backfire. She sees right through it.
