The other thought I had was that I am in awe of Rig's Wife. She must be very high drive indeed. She has young children, a new unstable career, unsupportive relatives, a prudish background, no new man lined up through adultery and still she is able to tell herself that she deserves a better sex life and she will do what is necessary to get one. Who wouldn't want to f*ck her? Rig better get his act together pronto.
Add to this that she has lost a ton of weight and has been running, and feels really sexy.
You're right, MJ. She wants fun, she wants sex. She sees me as a killjoy and sexually defective.
These perceptions of me have been growing over the last couple of years. It's been self-fulfilling. We're at a party, and she says I'm no fun. I feel defeated, and instantly become even less fun. After sex she says I didn't seem into it. The next time I'm thinking "I have to REALLY show her I'm into it." Unfortunately, this kind of thinking triggers the whole ED thing.
The bottom line is that I haven't taken the innitiative to find out why I have trouble having fun at a party, or showing passion during sex ... until now. Now, I understand why, though I haven't solved all the issues. But she doesn't want to take a chance.
This is an uphill battle. Oddly, though, I'm loving it. As I'm figuring things out, gaining strength, I'm finding that half of the time I'm charged about meeting the challenge. For me, this is absolutely revolutionary. I also feel more sexual than ever, and I'm starting to dream about my future. MY future.
