I'm afraid that I don't have any specific advise to offer but it seems to me that in your marriage (your FOO too?) you were probably a lot like the kid who "punishes" his Mom for a lack of attention or being unduly strict by refusing to eat her cookies. I think you are on the right track because I can sense this sort of beam of light coming from you which consists of manliness, love and sexual desire but the batteries lose their power every time you have thoughts of "poor me" or petty resentment towards your wife. Do you want to eat cookies or do you want to punish the baker and go hungry?
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
